30 Day Challenge - Day 2 - Part 3

Here is another Facebook Note I wrote that involves Womens' Rights.  

Originally written April 18, 2008 (before I had even met my now-husband) and originally titled: 

I Reserve the Right to Say NO!

"
Pretty woman is one of my favorite movies and Julia Roberts one of my favorite actresses. In Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts plays Vivian, a prostitute, a woman who sells sexual favors for rent money. There’s a scene in the movie where Vivian is frustrated and feels like she is losing controls and is screaming 

“I say who! I say when! I say WHO!” 

Funny how she had to be a prostitute to feel like she was in control of when she had sex or who she had sex with. 


I read in a magazine lately that after surveying several English language specialists, it was determined that the most underused word in the English language was “no” and he most overused was “yes.”


As a woman in America I have a ton of rights and privileges that women elsewhere do not enjoy:
I can say YES I want a driver’s license!
YES I want to vote on my President!
YES I want to be President!
YES I want to have a job and be a mommy too!
YES I want to choose when I have a baby, even if it means terminating my current pregnancy!
YES I want to have the same jobs as men and 
YES I want to get paid just as much as a man!!
But, as a woman in America, I have an often overlooked right that many women around the world have never had: the right to say NO!
As I demand the right to say Yes, I reserve my right to say NO!


NO, I will not have sex with you because you bought me three meals and took me to three movies and call it three dates and that's apparently all it takes to get an all access pass to my body.


NO, I will not have sex with you because you used the ‘magic words’: “I love you”


NO, I will not have sex with you because you call me pretty
Or beautiful
Or gorgeous
Or lovely
Or sexy
Or baby 
Or sweetie
These are not passwords to get in my pants!


NO, I will not have sex with you to affirm you as a man.


NO, I will not have sex with you because you promise to be around if there’s a consequence nine months later.


NO, I will not have sex with you because you are my boyfriend
Or my fiancée
Or a man I met in a bar after a bad day at work.

NO, I will not have sex with you to affirm my beauty as woman.


NO, I will not have sex with you and allow my value as a woman to be defined by my skills between the sheets.


NO, I will not have sex with you to prove my love for you.


NO, I will not have sex with you because everyone else is having sex.


NO, I will not have sex with you to relieve you because it’s driving you crazy.


NO, I will not have sex with you as a way to decide if we are compatible.


NO, I will not have sex with you to make you love me.


NO, I will not have sex with you to keep you around.


NO, I will not have sex with you because you are a gentleman and opened the door.


NO, I will not have sex with you as a reward for good behavior.


Let me just remind you, sirs, that you must have our permission to get what you want. And more importantly, let me remind you that you’re goal should not be to have the pleasure of getting between my legs but to have the honor to stand beside me and be called my man, my husband.


So, NO, I will not have sex with you.


I reserve my right to say No and I will exercise that right whenever necessary.


And I hope and pray I am not the only woman to do so.


“We say who, We say when.”      "

Post Script: I know I mentioned some things in the YES part that are controversial (namely, abortion).  The YES was to the fact that I currently have that right, not necessarily YES to my opinion of it.  If you'd like to discuss my opinions on that subject, without assuming that you already know them, feel free to contact me. 

Sorry, I just got asked that a lot when I first wrote it, so I thought I'd just answer it now. 

30 Day Challenge - Day 2 - Part 2

This is a Facebook note I wrote on March 28, 2009 on the subject of Women's Rights.

"Here are some comments that have been made to me, by men, about women's rights: 
"You're one of the guys now!" 
"If you want equal rights, open you're own door, carry your own luggage, and put the toilet seat up for me!" 
"You want equal rights? ok, so how do you feel about women being drafted into the military?" 

Here is my interpretation of women's rights. 

There was a time, before my time, when women did not have 
the right to vote, 
the right to choose who they would marry, 
the right to choose how many children they would have, 
the right to choose what they could wear, 
the right to choose what they could say, if they were allowed to speak 
the right to choose if they could work, 
the right to choose where they could work, 
the right to choose how much they could get paid for working. 

There was a time where a woman did not go to school while she was pregnant. 
There was a time when women were banished to caves during their period. 
There was a time when the testimony of woman who witnessed a crime was worthless. 
There was a time when it was thought to be impossible for a woman to even dream of one day being as intelligent as a man. 

Then there was a time when women stood together and demanded the right to vote. 
They began going to work. They stepped out of the kitchen and from behind the scenes to shine. They picketed outside government buildings demanding to be treated fairly. They burned their bras in protest. 

There is a time, now, when women work the same jobs as men but get paid less. And to be a woman and a minority means you are paid even less. 

I am a feminist. I believe in women's rights. 

I do NOT want to be a man, or be treated like I am a man. 

To say that feminism means that women want to be treated like men still puts men above women, as if to be treated like a man is the highest achievement a woman can reach for. It is a sexist statement. 

Men are not to be put above women. 
Women are not to be put above men. 

Men and women are not the same. 
Men and women are different, but in this difference is no inherit source of superiority of one over the other. 

To say that I want equal rights as men is to say that I do not want a man to be given preference for a job simply because he is a man and I am a woman. 

To say that I want equal rights as men is to say that when I work the same job as a man, the same hours, put in the same effort, and get the same results, I want to be paid the same amount. 

To say that I want equal rights as men is to say that I want the same opportunities as a man, that I do not want to be limited in how far I can reach because of my anatomy. 

There are many more examples. And beyond this, into the realm of personal preferences falls most everything else. 

Why should a man open a door for a woman? 
Why should a man pay for the date? 
Why should a man put the toilet lid down for women? 
Why should a man be expected to do the heavy lifting? 
These are personal choices and preferences, both by men and women. There is a difference between being a man and being a gentleman. 

If a woman wants to be a truck driver, a doctor, a heavy weight boxing champion, a preacher or President, I say go for it. There should be no stereotyping or judgement for these women. 

And if a man wants to be a stay at home dad, a chef, a nurse, a teacher, a gymnast, a cheerleader, or any other predominantly female occupation, then I say go for it. There should be no stereotyping or judgement for these men. 

Being a feminist, believing in the rights of women to not be treated differently because of their sex, is not limited to women only. Men can be feminists too. 

I think the most simple and succinct way of phrasing women's rights is to say that I love my mom and I want the best for her. To me, if you love your mom, you're a feminist."

Just posting this to show how long this has been on my mind.  And another point of view so that the original post didn't get too crazy long.